I'm Sorry, I'm Stupid (Update)

February 15, 2012

11:23AM

Dear Apa,

Just when I thought the tension between me and Jhepmar ceased a little, he sent me a text which I suppose was actually for Marnel.

So this isn't over yet. Jhepmar never changed! I can't do anything about it. T_T

it's me,

Tuesday

I'm Sorry, I'm Stupid

February 11, 2012

02:09AM

Dear Apa,

I'm too tired from dance rehearsals and so sleepy, but I can't sleep. I just had a confrontation with my bestfriend through SMS and man was he so mad at me. T_T

Earlier, I sent a group message about the Beats I lost the other night and Jhepmar thought I was saying that it was him or one of his friends who stole the headphones. I know the message reads as if I was putting the blame to other people, but it wasn't him or any of his friends. Jhepmar is my bestfriend! We know each other very well. I know that he won't do such thing to me, because if he's the kind who's gonna steal things from me, he's probably done it before.

I said I'm sorry. I wasn't sure why I apologized, but I said I'm sorry anyway. But I know he's not ever gonna listen. I know Jhepmar, he's never gonna understand me when I explain what really happened. And now, I know our friendship is in jeopardy again. I'm starting to get scared Apa, the last time we had a fight, Jhepmar did not talk to me for months. He's my bestfriend, but he's also my worst enemy.

As of the moment, I'm thinking of a way to talk to him about this. He's the only friend I can't lose. My life is about to end soon, can't our friendship wait a little longer? I hope he did not mean it when he said we are not friends anymore. I hope he can wait until the day I die before he decides to end this friendship. It's not gonna take long anyway.

it's me,

Tuesday

Small Talk

November 18, 2011

01:23AM

Dear Apa,

Hey you! What's up? How's life?

I've been meaning to write to you about Jhepmar's birthday bash. But now that I finally found time to write, it is also now that I don't know what to tell you. Ralph Jhonel didn't come to the party, I already knew he's not coming though. He already told me that he's not invited and I even told him that it's going to be impossible for him to come anyway since it was Tuesday and he's got to go to school the next day.

Yes Apa, we talked...

...a little!

Don't you think it's amazing? I was really, totally overjoyed that Ralph Jhonel talked to me before Jhepmar's birthday. It doesn't matter what we talked about or how long (err, short) it took, what really matters is that I finally got his attention. At least now I know that he knows I still exist. Or maybe it's better to say that at least now I know that he was just pretending all along not to notice I am here. I always knew he was avoiding me. And I would like to thank him for talking to me again, I needed it so badly.

I'm not certain about the future. Are we going to be okay again, or are we staying this way. I don't know if we're going to have a small talk again. But I know that I am going to look forward to it. I know I will be right here waiting still.

it's me,

Tuesday

I'm facing the truth, I'm not a part of his life anymore.

October 28, 2011

04:03AM

Dear Apa,

Hi! It's been a long time since I last wrote, isn't it? It's not that I don't want to write, I guess I just don't have anything to say to you. There is really nothing going on with my life nowadays, and if you want to know the truth, I'm getting really bored! I just decided to write today because I thought I have to. I realize how unfair it is of me to spend too much time making a new blog and totally neglecting this one.

Yes Apa, I'm writing on a new blog. I know it is turning to be a vice but I just thought I need to have a Tagalog blog because there are lots of people praising some shit I wrote in Tagalog. I mean, they were not meant to impress others you know. What I wrote there were about the bad experiences I had with my life, for Christ's sake!

Honestly, do I have experiences other than the bad ones?

Anyway, I decided to pursue writing in Tagalog. But that doesn't have to mean that I am quitting this blog. I love this blog! So what I plan to do is to write Tagalog blogs there if I feel like it and update this if I feel otherwise. I know it sounds kinda complicated, but you know me, I'm going to manage it.

Hey Apa, I haven't been writing to you about Ralph Jhonel because I don't have news to say. He still don't talk to me and I honestly think he's not ever going to. Jhepmar seems like he wants to invite Ralph Jhonel to his 21st birthday, it means I'm going to see Ralph Jhonel again if he comes. That is if and only if he comes which I'm pretty sure he won't do. I was talking to Shiela Mae last Sunday about it, I told her I don't know what to do if I see Ralph Jhonel again. I want to talk to him if it happens, but my pride tells me otherwise. Maybe I'm just sure that talking to him again won't make any difference. I know Ralph Jhonel's never gonna consider being friends with me again.

But honestly, I don't really have to think about seeing him again because it's not gonna happen! I know he's not coming home for Jhepmar's birthday party. I think Ralph Jhonel's in Baguio right now for some military training at PMA. I'm not sure when he's coming back. And if ever he's out of the training by the time of Jhepmar's birthday, I know he's not telling it to us. He's always like that!

Earlier, He was online on Facebook but I didn't feel like sending him a chat message to ask how he was. It's funny, if you want to know the truth. I don't want to talk to him anymore too. I'm not sure about the future, but for now, I don't want to bother attempting a conversation. I am sick of being ignored Apa! I'm facing the truth, I'm not a part of his life anymore.

it's me,

Tuesday

Drinking Marathon: The Adventures of an "It" Girl Who's Always Invited to Parties! LOL!

June 11, 2011
06:47AM

Man, I've been drinking a freakin' lot these past few days! It started last Sunday when Cryptic Illusion celebrated AJ's birthday. AJ texted me at around 9PM, inviting me to come to his party. But I stayed only until 1AM as Jhepmar was already bugging the hell out of me to go spend the night drinking at his place instead. So from AJ's party, I went straight to O'Neal's Billiards where I was to meet up with Jhepmar and Botz. We stayed there for a couple of minutes more and few bottles of Red Horse as they were playing that sort of billiards game I don't understand (I only know 9-balls!). Coincidentally, Windol and Tenga passed by O'Neal's Billiards and we asked them to stay. At 2AM, we went to Jhepmar's house and there we downed bottles after bottles of Colt45. Jhepmar's friends came over and there was a crowd of beer-hungry guys drinking with us until 4AM.

The following Tuesday, Nelson invited me to come to his place. I went there at dinner time and Nelson's dad greeted me at the gate and his mom cooked dinner for us. We ate and chit-chatted, catching up with what's the latest (it's been so long since I last showed up!). Nelson brought me to his cousin's place after dinner where we spent the night drinking Emperador Light with two of his cousins and two other guys. I was supposed to sleep over, but I decided to go home after we went on a food-trip at Ilang-ilang, Guiginto.

As soon as the next day, my hang over wasn't even gone yet, Jhepmar texted me at 1AM saying he's got Colt45 at his house. I had to sneak out as my dad was awake, I managed to go out unnoticed. Thankyouverymuch! There was a storm and the rain was heavy and honestly, I thought I wasn't gonna make it to Jhepmar's place. But I did. So I sat there with Jhepmar and his younger brother, Yhowie. We had real, good laugh-trips over ice-cold beer until 4AM and Yhowie walked me home by Jhepmar's special request (Jhepmar won't let me go home by myself but he was too wasted so he just asked his poor, helpless younger brother to take charge of bringing me home safe and unharmed. Wise guy huh?).

I haven't been drinking in the last two days but I'm not sure about tomorrow. Jhepmar asked me to come again for his girlfriend's birthday bash. And next week's my birthday, there probably will be a new episode of this "Drinking Marathon" series!