You're My Brightest Star

December 27, 2010
04:36AM

He said there's a bright star outside. I didn't have to go out to check, I just told him there indeed is. Maybe I just trust him this much that I believe it whenever he tells me things. I miss him a friggin' lot. I've waited for this Christmas break ever so patiently because he said we'll be seeing each other again. But now that the break is about to end, I start to falter in what I was made to believe. My hopes are starting to crumble like Graham crackers in my tight grip.

He didn't tell me he's here in Bulacan, and I don't want to tell him that I know it. I just try to console my self by thinking he's got reasons why he don't want to tell it to me. But still, I am hurt. Not just because I don't have the chance to see him again, but also because it makes me feel like he's not planning to meet me like what he said on the night of Jhepmar's birthday. He's got his own life, I am aware of that. And I know he has the rights to decide about what he wants to do and what not. Who am I to complain, right? Besides, I'm just going to force another issue if I bring this up. So I just try to be optimistic with the best that I can. At least he texted me on Christmas day. And the fact that he's here in Bulacan makes the distance between us decrease and I feel so near to him. These thoughts manage to make me smile somehow. And I can still tell that it was the best Christmas ever.

If it wasn't for him, my Christmas could've been fucked up. He made my day, I hope he knows he did. He didn't even have to show up, all he had to do was let me know he remembered me that day.

Okay. Why the hell am I crying now? Haha! I am supposed to be happy, am I not? I am telling you how great my Christmas was, so why turn emo? Maybe I just miss him so much. Or maybe the best present for me is presence — his presence, to be precise. But he seems not to figure that out. He even makes me feel he's ignoring me again. When I told him there indeed is a bright star in the sky outside, he didn't replied. He have no idea he is my bright star — and the night sky, my life. There indeed is a bright star in the night sky. Or should I say, there indeed is Ralph Jhonel in my life. That's more like it! But it's the dawn, and the bright star is starting to fade away. But I'm never going to quit, I will be right here waiting for the night just to see that bright star in the night sky — him in my life!