I'm moving on without you.

October 29, 2011

06:23AM

Dear Apa,


I think life's teaching me a lesson. Something I could pick up in the future... and I think I'm starting to learn. To learn how to live my life and do what I'm supposed to do. Although, at times, I wonder why am I put to such a test that is so difficult to the point that I failed miserably. But I guess every cloud has a silver lining. Sometimes life's hard... okay, most of the times! We reach a junction and then whatever we choose will determine our destiny. I'm not sure whether my ending will be a happy ending but nevertheless, I've made a decision that I think I'll thank myself dearly in future. I want to believe in that.

In order to gain something, I have to give up another.

For the record, I'm moving on with my life! I'm not saying that I'm finally forgetting about Ralph Jhonel, that's the last thing I want to do. What I'm trying to say in this letter is that I'm finally learning to deal with life and everything that it gives me. I'm trying my best to accept the bitter truth that Ralph Jhonel is now just a part of my past and never will be a part of my future. I know people will walk in and out of our lives. But what we have are memories that no one can take away from our lives. I'll get better in time. I'll be a better person.

it's me,

Tuesday

I'm facing the truth, I'm not a part of his life anymore.

October 28, 2011

04:03AM

Dear Apa,

Hi! It's been a long time since I last wrote, isn't it? It's not that I don't want to write, I guess I just don't have anything to say to you. There is really nothing going on with my life nowadays, and if you want to know the truth, I'm getting really bored! I just decided to write today because I thought I have to. I realize how unfair it is of me to spend too much time making a new blog and totally neglecting this one.

Yes Apa, I'm writing on a new blog. I know it is turning to be a vice but I just thought I need to have a Tagalog blog because there are lots of people praising some shit I wrote in Tagalog. I mean, they were not meant to impress others you know. What I wrote there were about the bad experiences I had with my life, for Christ's sake!

Honestly, do I have experiences other than the bad ones?

Anyway, I decided to pursue writing in Tagalog. But that doesn't have to mean that I am quitting this blog. I love this blog! So what I plan to do is to write Tagalog blogs there if I feel like it and update this if I feel otherwise. I know it sounds kinda complicated, but you know me, I'm going to manage it.

Hey Apa, I haven't been writing to you about Ralph Jhonel because I don't have news to say. He still don't talk to me and I honestly think he's not ever going to. Jhepmar seems like he wants to invite Ralph Jhonel to his 21st birthday, it means I'm going to see Ralph Jhonel again if he comes. That is if and only if he comes which I'm pretty sure he won't do. I was talking to Shiela Mae last Sunday about it, I told her I don't know what to do if I see Ralph Jhonel again. I want to talk to him if it happens, but my pride tells me otherwise. Maybe I'm just sure that talking to him again won't make any difference. I know Ralph Jhonel's never gonna consider being friends with me again.

But honestly, I don't really have to think about seeing him again because it's not gonna happen! I know he's not coming home for Jhepmar's birthday party. I think Ralph Jhonel's in Baguio right now for some military training at PMA. I'm not sure when he's coming back. And if ever he's out of the training by the time of Jhepmar's birthday, I know he's not telling it to us. He's always like that!

Earlier, He was online on Facebook but I didn't feel like sending him a chat message to ask how he was. It's funny, if you want to know the truth. I don't want to talk to him anymore too. I'm not sure about the future, but for now, I don't want to bother attempting a conversation. I am sick of being ignored Apa! I'm facing the truth, I'm not a part of his life anymore.

it's me,

Tuesday

You're My Wish Tonight

September 30, 2011
05:09AM

Dear Apa,

I just miss Ralph Jhonel. So much as a matter of fact. Especially now that it became more evident that we are not going to be friends again. It really hurts me everytime the thought of it sinks into my mind. The hardest part is not when he made me learn that I don't matter to him anymore, but the fact that he won't be here for anything else ever again.

You know what Apa, most of my friends keep telling me that I should already move on with my life without Ralph Jhonel. But I don't want to do that! How can I ever move on when I know for a fact that I'm going to be in love with him forever? It is going to be very hard for me to try to get him out of my mind because he's always in my heart. I am all Ralph Jhonel all the time. I talk about him and nothing else and if you want to know the truth, my friends are getting enough of it.

Hey Apa, do you think Ralph Jhonel is coming back again in the future? I really need somebody to tell me what they think about it.

it's me,
Tuesday

Tell me when you feel something

September 29, 2011
04:51AM

I'm Willing to Raise the White Flag

September 01. 2011
07:02AM

Dear Apa,

Good morning!

Hey, how have you been? My God! That's the exact thing I've been wanting to ask to Ralph Jhonel. But since he's not giving a damn about me anymore, I decide to just keep my mouth shut. I really, totally miss him, you know. And it always hurts me to see his Facebook wall posts especially when he seems to be happy. Not that I don't want him to be happy, God knows I'd do everything just to see him in his happiest. It's only that whenever he posts that way, it makes me realize that I'm the only one who's affected by the distance between us. It's more like his world continues to spin without me and I can't keep up with its revolution while my world stopped revolving since the day he went away. It's frustrating!

He recently was talking about romance and of course I can't help but to feel sorry for my self. I always knew that he's already found someone although he won't admit it. I'm really happy for him, Apa. I really am! Maybe I feel a bit hurt but it's just normal, isn't it? OK, I don't feel a bit hurt. It's worse! But no matter how hurt I am, it doesn't mean that I can't be happy for him. If it makes him happy then it can't be that bad.

I just don't see why he has to be this way. He don't want me to love him, so what? Does it have to mean we can't be friends anymore? More than anything, I want our friendship back. Why can't he see that? Why does he need to turn his back on me when all I just want is to keep the friendship we made three years ago?

I really want to talk to him about this but by the looks of it, it's impossible. I'm not even sure if he's going to quit ignoring me. Honestly, I'm tired of this set-up! And if I need to actually raise a white flag to surrender, I would. I miss him so bad. I would give up my life just to win our friendship back.

it's me,
Tuesday