Heaven Cries

July 23, 2012

12:38AM

It's been raining all day and all night, for three fucking days -- straight!

I had to sleep with cold feet and equally cold heart. The heaven must have been crying with me for I don't have more tears to cry. These emotions I've been feeling seem to have felt by my celestial friend who decided to do all the crying for me. So I never cried in these three consecutive days, just to be fair to the heaven.

If you want to know the truth, I used to hate rain. Matter of fact, I thought it was depressing. I mean, I can really get depressed easily by practically anything, but rain was one of the biggest enemies I had. I remember crying all of a sudden as soon as a raindrop hits the ground. Those were the days when I really felt suicidal. Man, was I so emo! The sound of the raindrops on the roof was kind of telling me to slit my wrists. Or was it just me?

I don't know where I got the idea that rain is a gloomy thing. I'm certain, it wasn't caused by some tragic experience. I just kept thinking that maybe, sometime in my past life, I died in the rain in a very sad way. Like, maybe, while I was fighting for love or something or any other tragic means. All I believe is that it happened while raining, maybe even under the rain.

Another theory is that I get depressed when it rains because I remember my A-hole ex. There was that time in November 2009 when the sonuvabitch and I kissed under a heavy rain. It was romantic, I know. But that particular ex is the worst I've ever had. I don't want to go into details, but just picture this: me, him, my bestfriend's girlfriend. You get the idea! Anyway, I hated the guy so much that I easily got pissed-off by just the thought of him. And since that infamous kiss under that November rain was the highlight of our not-so-picture-perfect relationship, I remembered him when it rains. But, really, if it's really him I remember when it rains, shouldn't I feel hatred rather than depression?

But that was long ago, I love the rain now. I even had some tweets about how I was falling deeply in love with the rain. I mean, it's like a friend. It cries for me when I need to cry but can't. It reflects the emotions I feel inside; dark, cold, gloomy. It's nice to see how the darkness embraces the world around me. And how the wind kisses everything on its way. And how the heaven pours love to the earth. Maybe those are the things I need. To be hugged. To be kissed. To be loved.