I'm moving on without you.

October 29, 2011

Dear Apa,

I think life's teaching me a lesson. Something I could pick up in the future... and I think I'm starting to learn. To learn how to live my life and do what I'm supposed to do. Although, at times, I wonder why am I put to such a test that is so difficult to the point that I failed miserably. But I guess every cloud has a silver lining. Sometimes life's hard... okay, most of the times! We reach a junction and then whatever we choose will determine our destiny. I'm not sure whether my ending will be a happy ending but nevertheless, I've made a decision that I think I'll thank myself dearly in future. I want to believe in that.

In order to gain something, I have to give up another.

For the record, I'm moving on with my life! I'm not saying that I'm finally forgetting about Ralph Jhonel, that's the last thing I want to do. What I'm trying to say in this letter is that I'm finally learning to deal with life and everything that it gives me. I'm trying my best to accept the bitter truth that Ralph Jhonel is now just a part of my past and never will be a part of my future. I know people will walk in and out of our lives. But what we have are memories that no one can take away from our lives. I'll get better in time. I'll be a better person.

it's me,

I'm facing the truth, I'm not a part of his life anymore.

October 28, 2011

Dear Apa,

Hi! It's been a long time since I last wrote, isn't it? It's not that I don't want to write, I guess I just don't have anything to say to you. There is really nothing going on with my life nowadays, and if you want to know the truth, I'm getting really bored! I just decided to write today because I thought I have to. I realize how unfair it is of me to spend too much time making a new blog and totally neglecting this one.

Yes Apa, I'm writing on a new blog. I know it is turning to be a vice but I just thought I need to have a Tagalog blog because there are lots of people praising some shit I wrote in Tagalog. I mean, they were not meant to impress others you know. What I wrote there were about the bad experiences I had with my life, for Christ's sake!

Honestly, do I have experiences other than the bad ones?

Anyway, I decided to pursue writing in Tagalog. But that doesn't have to mean that I am quitting this blog. I love this blog! So what I plan to do is to write Tagalog blogs there if I feel like it and update this if I feel otherwise. I know it sounds kinda complicated, but you know me, I'm going to manage it.

Hey Apa, I haven't been writing to you about Ralph Jhonel because I don't have news to say. He still don't talk to me and I honestly think he's not ever going to. Jhepmar seems like he wants to invite Ralph Jhonel to his 21st birthday, it means I'm going to see Ralph Jhonel again if he comes. That is if and only if he comes which I'm pretty sure he won't do. I was talking to Shiela Mae last Sunday about it, I told her I don't know what to do if I see Ralph Jhonel again. I want to talk to him if it happens, but my pride tells me otherwise. Maybe I'm just sure that talking to him again won't make any difference. I know Ralph Jhonel's never gonna consider being friends with me again.

But honestly, I don't really have to think about seeing him again because it's not gonna happen! I know he's not coming home for Jhepmar's birthday party. I think Ralph Jhonel's in Baguio right now for some military training at PMA. I'm not sure when he's coming back. And if ever he's out of the training by the time of Jhepmar's birthday, I know he's not telling it to us. He's always like that!

Earlier, He was online on Facebook but I didn't feel like sending him a chat message to ask how he was. It's funny, if you want to know the truth. I don't want to talk to him anymore too. I'm not sure about the future, but for now, I don't want to bother attempting a conversation. I am sick of being ignored Apa! I'm facing the truth, I'm not a part of his life anymore.

it's me,
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