January 27, 2018

Dear Apa,

Hey! If you wanna know the truth, I picture you rolling your eyes on me while reading this letter. I know, I know! I promised I'd be writing to you more often. But didn't. Don't be mad, it doesn't mean I already forgot about you. Truth is, that's the last thing I'd do.

In the previous letter, I told you I was gonna write about Chris. I'm actually intending to start it now, but then I realized I really have nothing to say about him anymore. It's not like there isn't anything worth telling—there actually is an awful lot. It's just that I don't feel like I should write anything about him anymore as we already have our own separate lives now.

OK. I'm not saying that we had a life together or something or whatever, he was just a workmate who happened to be so damn hot is all. Yup, he was my ultimate crush. And I guess I was fortunate enough to get the kind of attention he gave me. I enjoyed it, to be honest. Nobody made me feel that special for a long time. We called each other "babe" and our friends were all happy for us, supporting our "ChrisTue" team-up all the way. And I was the happiest I can possibly be.

But at the end of the day, as soon as work was over, everything would come back to normal. I'd go home feeling as lonely as ever knowing that Chris would go home to his wife and kids. At the end of the day, as the skies went dark, the reality that we were only friends would become clearer. Truth hurts, reality bites. We were never more than friends. At the end of the day, I'd feel more "forever alone" than ever.

I know it reads like I wanted to be with him. Newsflash, I never did. He was my dream guy, that's for sure, but his wife is also one of my dearest friends. And his kids are so beatiful, I wanted to volunteer to be their godmother. I am happy for him for having his own wonderful family. And everything we had—if there's even any—was all just for fun.

Am I hurt? Nah! Just feeling a little bit bittersweet maybe. I don't feel sad that what we were doing was all pretend, I guess the saddest thing about all of it was the fact that I would never really have anyone to make me happy. That at the end of the day, I was just fooling myself.

I know I said I have nothing to write about Chris, but look at me, uncontrollably typing words that mean nothing else but him. My body seems to already know our "love story" that there isn't a need for a push or anything to tell it to you or to anybody else. If you wanna know the truth, Chris is already a part of me. He already had his special place in my heart where I would keep him forever.

it's me,

Sayonara GDS/Team Marya

October 19, 2017

Dear Apa,

OK. First of all, let me apologize for I didn’t write to you in the last 11 months. I’m apologizing but I know you’d understand, you always do! And even when you’re never gonna require me to explain, something tells me that I still owe you an explanation. Well, the reason is—I know you probably already know this—that I am a lazy person. Too lazy to write to you. And I’m sorry.

But if you’re going to think of it, maybe it’s even a good thing that I didn’t write you any letter in the past months ‘coz usually, I only write when I’m feeling depressed about anything. Maybe I was never depressed for almost a year.

Anyway, now that I’m writing to you again doesn’t mean that I’m depressed again. Maybe feeling a little sad but not depressed. Actually, it’s a bitter-sweet feeling. Isn’t separation anxiety supposed to feel this way?

Yes, you read it right. I’m going through SepAnx once again. I got the sack from my employer—let us groan to that. Losing this job was really a nightmare. Not because I was very much devoted to it, I mean, I never was devoted to any job, but because I know that I’m gonna miss the people I worked with. My team mates were like my family, no kidding. I never worked with people like them before. Every single one of them already found their own spaces in my heart. It may sound cheesy but hey, what can I do, that’s the truth.

I’m sure having them as my team mates was one of the biggest factors why I didn’t feel depressed and didn’t write to you for 11 months. Honestly, I don’t remember a time when I felt sad about anything with them. Especially with Chris, but I guess the story about him deserves a separate letter dedicated entirely to my memories of him.

And guess what, I finally had a TL that was never a pain in the ass. TL Marya is by far the best TL I had. And ofcourse I will tell you more about her next time.

For now, I just wanna let you know that I haven’t forgotten about you Apa. You’re the only person I can confide in who would never complain. ‘Coz you have no choice! LOL. I’m gonna try to be less lazy and write to you more often now. I missed doing this. I missed you!

it's me,

House of Giray

November  20, 2016

Dear Apa,

Hey! I'm really sorry I wasn't writing to update you these past few months, I was busy with my new job. You read it right, I'm working again. Yay! I started working for another contact center in UP Ayala-TechnoHub just a month ago and guess what, I have new friends!

I was actually supposed to be part of Frankie's wave but I guess I was fortunate enough to start training a week later 'coz I found a new family with my wave mates and our trainer. You know me, I can be a little too introvert. But surprisingly, I got along with them lot right away. I mean, I know I still need to work on with my socializing skills—or my intra-personal skills or whatever you may call it—but at least I'm trying.

These are my wave mates.

Last week, we (Nadine, Mark, Hero, CJ, Nico, Paul, our trainer JJ and me) went to SM Marikina to celebrate Nadine's birthday at Vikings and man, it was fun. I was kind of holding back at first (you know me, I'm not really confident of my self), but as soon as I got comfortable with all of them around, I started letting them know who I really am. I was really really proud of being my self that night. Especially when we were at the karaoke place to drink and party. It was one epic night and I was the star of the night. Haha. They loved me! I was never that happy.

L-R: JJ (our trainer), CJ, Paul, Nico, Mark, Hero, Nadine and me.

A week after (it was last Friday), they invited me again for another drinking session. And of course I won't say no! This time, we were with more mates from my wave. I knew it was gonna be awesome. We went to CJ's place in Novaliches and we drank brandy and I was fucking wasted I slept at the terrace, would you believe that? Haha. That was such an experience.

At CJ's house - November 18, 2016.

But does it matter if I got totally drunk to the point where I actually gave a dude a lap dance? Is it a big deal if I was left to sleep outside the house? HELL NO! None of them matters, because what really matters is that I had an awesome time and that I have a bunch of friends now. And I know that you are happy for me Apa.

But I'm still kind of insecure about my self though. I'm not sure my mouth wouldn't be shut tighter than a clam's shell tomorrow at work. It's not them, it's me. I'm always my own worst enemy.

it's me,

High Five

August  08, 2016

Dear Apa,

Hey, it's August 8! Guess what, five years ago, I found you on Facebook! You read it right, it's been five years since I started writing to you. Five years and you still have no idea that someone like me exists and writes you letters.

Let's go back in time. It was actually August 5 when I rode a jeepney with you. And from that day on, I kept thinking about you. So I decided to find you on Facebook (thanks to the tattoo on your arm, I knew what your name is). And on August 8, after some profile searches, I finally found you. And I started writing you letters since.

Nothing has changed since the last five years Apa, you're still my most reliable friend. I still don't care if you won't respond to my letters, let alone read them. As long as I still have stories to tell, I will keep telling them to you. Even when I know that the story of my life will never interest you.

Thanks for being there!

it's me,

Summer Forever

March 21, 2016

Dear Apa,

Hey there!

My body is currently at a state of extreme tiredness and my muscles are aching. But that's okay, because the reason for that is FUN!

We went swimming yesterday! Yay!

Here's a video of me, Frankie and Abbey on our way to Calumpit, Bulacan.

I had so much fun, although I planned on forgetting about JC even for just a day but I didn't manage. Ugh! He was on my mind all day, but yeah, I still enjoyed our getaway because I was with my sisters.

it's me,
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