Because my life gets reeeally boring...

April 27, 2011


Weird as it may sound but I am forcing my way to write something since I haven’t written anything for the longest time.

I feel so down and lonely..

April 05, 2011

Ok. I stay here in my room the whole day when I am actually supposed to go out and drink with my friends. I cancelled the party today, and now I start to feel lonely. My friends texted to say they're just going to attend another party and the thought of it makes me feel like I was left behind. It's unfair! This is supposed to be my happy day yet I am the one who stays at home, feeling jealous of my friends who are going to enjoy tonight. I should be enjoying too! Man, this is the 5th day of the month. This is my day!

If it is any consolation, I hope Ralph Jhonel bothers to text me to say he's sorry he can't make it tonight. But really, who am I to complain? Besides, it's not his obligation to come here whenever I want him to. Things nowadays are not like how they were like before. He used to always grant my every requests, but it's not like that now. It's depressing.

I told Ralph Jhonel I'd just throw a celebration next month, but honestly, I can't help but feel that same thing will just happen. I know that if I plan yet another party, it will just make me feel badly hurt when it can't take place again. I'm really hurt now, and I don't want to feel this way every month.

I'm still looking forward to seeing Ralph Jhonel again this summer. Even if it's not going to happen on the 5th day of the month. I know it's just a friggin' 5th day, and that what really matters is his existence. But I really feel so down and lonely. I feel like I never ever mattered.

2 Years, 9 Months and Counting!

April 05, 2011

Today, Ralph Jhonel and I turns 2 years and 9 months. But it seems like I'm the only one to celebrate it again. I was actually supposed to throw a little party with mga men but Ralph Jhonel texted earlier to announce he isn't coming home until Friday. It was really depressing! I planned about this monthsary and I even invited few of our friends to come over and then I had to just tell everyone that the celebration is cancelled. I can actually still throw a party if I want to, but not having Ralph Jhonel with us is hardly the same. I mean, it's our monthsary, hello?! We are supposed to celebrate it together, aren't we?

Anyway, I understand. I really, truly do. He can't waste his seemingly precious time to go here and celebrate with us because he is looking for a job. I want him to find one soon, that's why I didn't argue and just understood. I pray that he finds a job even if it means he's going to have yet a friggin' lot more reasons not to show up whenever we have to celebrate something. I know that when the time comes that he finally goes to work, it is going to be impossible for him to spend time with me and all our friends. Let us all groan!

We miss Ralph Jhonel. More than anything, I miss him. I had this little plan to talk to him and look him in the eyes and hold his hands and tell him how much I love him. But it's not gonna happen now, or at least not any time soon. But I promise, the next time I'm going to see Ralph Jhonel again, I'm not going to miss the chance to tell him I love him.
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