I feel so down and lonely..

April 05, 2011

Ok. I stay here in my room the whole day when I am actually supposed to go out and drink with my friends. I cancelled the party today, and now I start to feel lonely. My friends texted to say they're just going to attend another party and the thought of it makes me feel like I was left behind. It's unfair! This is supposed to be my happy day yet I am the one who stays at home, feeling jealous of my friends who are going to enjoy tonight. I should be enjoying too! Man, this is the 5th day of the month. This is my day!

If it is any consolation, I hope Ralph Jhonel bothers to text me to say he's sorry he can't make it tonight. But really, who am I to complain? Besides, it's not his obligation to come here whenever I want him to. Things nowadays are not like how they were like before. He used to always grant my every requests, but it's not like that now. It's depressing.

I told Ralph Jhonel I'd just throw a celebration next month, but honestly, I can't help but feel that same thing will just happen. I know that if I plan yet another party, it will just make me feel badly hurt when it can't take place again. I'm really hurt now, and I don't want to feel this way every month.

I'm still looking forward to seeing Ralph Jhonel again this summer. Even if it's not going to happen on the 5th day of the month. I know it's just a friggin' 5th day, and that what really matters is his existence. But I really feel so down and lonely. I feel like I never ever mattered.

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