11 Months

November 26, 2011

02:31AM

Dear Apa,

Hi. I decided to write to kill my time. You see, I can't sleep and I don't even have anything to do right now. I already had like 2 cups of coffee and a dozen sticks of Marlboro, plus I already saw those free online movies and planning to see more. I just need something to do, just anything to keep me thinking about how lonely I feel tonight. I miss Ralph Jhonel terribly, especially now that I know for certain that we are not going to be like we were before. What makes things worse is that I can't help but to check on his Facebook wall every-so-often which just makes me miss him more. I just want to know what's going on about his life nowadays is all.

Earlier, I counted how many months already passed by without seeing him. It's been 11 months, would you believe? It's almost a year! Imagine how much I miss him right now. 11 months, yet it feels like millenniums since the last time we saw each other. Man, how did I ever managed to live those 11 months? How? There wasn't a word, or at least nothing that really mattered.

11 freakin' months! If I was other people, I probably have just gave up and forgot about Ralph Jhonel. But it's hard to let go of him! It's impossible for me to just throw cautions into space and get him off my consciousness. Ralph Jhonel is my life, for heaven's sake! I know it sounds cheesy and over-romanticized, but what can I do? It's the truth! There is no fuckin' way I can ever get him off my mind no matter how hard I try, you know that Apa, don't you? You saw me struggling for a little piece of attention from him. You heard every sob and saw every tears I cried. You read all the rants I wrote about how I desperately want him back. Now tell me, do I seem like I can ever forget about Ralph Jhonel?

I'm sorry I have to say all these to you when you don't even have anything to do with it. You know you're just the only one I confide in. You're the only one who never complain when I can talk about nothing but Ralph Jhonel. Maybe next time I can write to you about anything else. I just miss Ralph Jhonel is all.

it's me,

Tuesday

Small Talk

November 18, 2011

01:23AM

Dear Apa,

Hey you! What's up? How's life?

I've been meaning to write to you about Jhepmar's birthday bash. But now that I finally found time to write, it is also now that I don't know what to tell you. Ralph Jhonel didn't come to the party, I already knew he's not coming though. He already told me that he's not invited and I even told him that it's going to be impossible for him to come anyway since it was Tuesday and he's got to go to school the next day.

Yes Apa, we talked...

...a little!

Don't you think it's amazing? I was really, totally overjoyed that Ralph Jhonel talked to me before Jhepmar's birthday. It doesn't matter what we talked about or how long (err, short) it took, what really matters is that I finally got his attention. At least now I know that he knows I still exist. Or maybe it's better to say that at least now I know that he was just pretending all along not to notice I am here. I always knew he was avoiding me. And I would like to thank him for talking to me again, I needed it so badly.

I'm not certain about the future. Are we going to be okay again, or are we staying this way. I don't know if we're going to have a small talk again. But I know that I am going to look forward to it. I know I will be right here waiting still.

it's me,

Tuesday