11 Months

November 26, 2011

Dear Apa,

Hi. I decided to write to kill my time. You see, I can't sleep and I don't even have anything to do right now. I already had like 2 cups of coffee and a dozen sticks of Marlboro, plus I already saw those free online movies and planning to see more. I just need something to do, just anything to keep me thinking about how lonely I feel tonight. I miss Ralph Jhonel terribly, especially now that I know for certain that we are not going to be like we were before. What makes things worse is that I can't help but to check on his Facebook wall every-so-often which just makes me miss him more. I just want to know what's going on about his life nowadays is all.

Earlier, I counted how many months already passed by without seeing him. It's been 11 months, would you believe? It's almost a year! Imagine how much I miss him right now. 11 months, yet it feels like millenniums since the last time we saw each other. Man, how did I ever managed to live those 11 months? How? There wasn't a word, or at least nothing that really mattered.

11 freakin' months! If I was other people, I probably have just gave up and forgot about Ralph Jhonel. But it's hard to let go of him! It's impossible for me to just throw cautions into space and get him off my consciousness. Ralph Jhonel is my life, for heaven's sake! I know it sounds cheesy and over-romanticized, but what can I do? It's the truth! There is no fuckin' way I can ever get him off my mind no matter how hard I try, you know that Apa, don't you? You saw me struggling for a little piece of attention from him. You heard every sob and saw every tears I cried. You read all the rants I wrote about how I desperately want him back. Now tell me, do I seem like I can ever forget about Ralph Jhonel?

I'm sorry I have to say all these to you when you don't even have anything to do with it. You know you're just the only one I confide in. You're the only one who never complain when I can talk about nothing but Ralph Jhonel. Maybe next time I can write to you about anything else. I just miss Ralph Jhonel is all.

it's me,

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