January 17, 2012

Dear Apa,

How are you? If you’re going to ask me, I don’t really know what to tell you. My mind is really tired to even think about how I’m feeling right now. But I honestly think that it’s the best for now as I don’t really want to think of anything else. I’m just going to get depressed again if all those thoughts I’ve been trying to avoid manage to squeeze their ways into my consciousness. I just decided to write to you as I don’t have anyone to talk to right now. I was supposed to be in Manila for the cheerleading competition this morning, but I quitted last night for some reason – yet another thing I don’t want to think about. And since I already quitted, I don’t have a choice but to stay here at home the whole freakin’ day while my twin, along with all our friends, is there to cheer for our college.

I spent most of my day just sleeping. Because I know that if I stayed up, I won’t find anything to busy my self with and I’ll definitely get really bored. So now that the sun is almost set and I’m finally up, I decided to write something to kill time. Not that writing to you is just killing my time, of course not! I missed writing to you to say all the things I feel. Maybe I’ll tell you about the things I don’t want to think about some other day, but not now. I’m too lazy for that. I’m too lazy to even get me some food to eat. I haven’t had anything to eat today, but I don’t feel hungry.

Hey Apa, I’ve been feeling so down since last week. I’ve got a fuckin’ bunch of problems and I’m wishing I could just die right now for escape. The other day, I thought of hanging my self to death but I felt really scared. So I didn’t. I’m not sure I’m not going to have the courage to finally do it the next time.
It’s me,

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