Three Years Ago

August 10, 2011
10:51AM

Dear Apa,

Hello there! I’m trying to cheer up upon writing this letter because my previous letters weren’t really happy letters, were they? And besides, I think I really need to force my self to cheer up since Monday night. You see, I tried to talk to Ralph Jhonel but he just ignored me for the nth time. I really should be used to it, but I just can’t help but to feel sorry for my self for feeling like I am always begging for a little attention which seems like I’m never going to have.

Ralph Jhonel, by the way, is the love of my life. But I was never his love though. But that’s alright. If there is one thing that I am used of right now, it’s the fact that he’s never going to give affection back. He isn’t even willing to give me his attention!

Anyway, I caught him online on Facebook Monday night but I didn’t really plan on bothering him for I know that he just won’t give a damn if I do. But one of my friends advised me that I should at least try to talk to Ralph Jhonel because we never know what could happen next. So I said “Zup?” just to get over with it. I told my friend how I was sure that Ralph Jhonel won’t give a response. My friend told me that she was going to send Ralph Jhonel a chat message to see if he’s going to respond; if he responds to her, then that means that he’s really ignoring me.

After a minute, a chat message came from my friend saying that Ralph Jhonel replied to her chat message. I was like “I told you!” at first but as soon as the thought gradually sinks in my mind, I felt hurt. So Ralph Jhonel isn’t really busy after all, he just don’t want to talk to me – me alone! He talks to everybody but me. My best friend, Jhepmar, confessed when we were at Nelson’s (our friend) house to have some drink that he had been talking to Ralph Jhonel on Facebook chat. But I didn’t really make it a big deal. And then, few nights ago, my twin, Frankie was chatting with Ralph Jhonel and I was even right here in front of this computer to see what they were talking about.

Ralph Jhonel talks to everyone but me! Great! How can I ever get used to it? Three years ago, he spent almost all evenings here at my house; sometimes I didn’t really have to ask him to come. Three years ago, we exchanged text messages 24/7. Three years ago, we had fights and misunderstandings but didn’t last this long. Three years ago, I felt really important. Three years ago, I was special. Three years ago, I had all the reasons to reminisce the previous days and make the most out of the present day and look forward to the next day. Three years ago, I didn’t have to miss him because we were always together. Three years ago, I was the happiest person in this planet. Because three years ago, we were friends.

I’m sorry I can’t really be a cheerful person. If you live my so-called life, you’ll understand. I am trying not to be sentimental in this letter, Apa. But everytime I talk about Ralph Jhonel, there’s no way I’m going to feel glad. I guess he contributed most of the bitterness in me.

I really do hope we can be friends again, but it seems like he don’t feel the same way. Most of the time, I just cry it over. But the hurt keeps on resurrecting itself. Honestly, I don’t know what to do when the time comes that we’re going to see each other again. He’s mad at me. The last thing I asked him was what I did wrong to him. As usual, he didn’t answer. Maybe because there’s really nothing I did at all. It’s either that, or I’m just unaware that the thing I actually did that made him hate me was loving him.

If so, then I guess he just have to hate me forever!

It’s me,

Tuesday