Ika-Pitong Utos: Wag Kang Maki-Apid

January 29, 2011
03:49PM

Here's one message I sent to the people in my mobile's contact list yesterday. I guess it says just everything I wanted to rant a long time ago which I can't bring my self to say. So I finally had enough yesterday and I spilled my heart out. Honestly, it made me feel satisfied rather than it made me feel bad for being so mean.

So anyway, here's the message:

[Go Ask Tuesday: The Perks of Being a Tuesday Sucgang]

.+ANG PLASTIK MO! haha..

bat ka ba galit na galit saken? Bat di mo pa kasi aminin na may gusto ka din sakanya? Para kang timawa nyan e, kunwari suportado mo kami pero humahabol ka rin naman!

ANG PLASTIK MO! nakaka'badtrip ka!

Baket? Kaya mo bang lampasan kung ano ako sakanya? Baka nga di mo magawang mapantayan ee.. Sino ka ba sa palagay mo?

ANG PLASTIK MO! Pakyu ka everyday to the grave.

Nakiki'sawsaw ka pa ee.. 7th commandment, WAG KANG MAKI'APID! Hindi porket masalimuot ang istorya ng buhay mo, sisirain mo na din ang buhay ng iba. Wag ka nang sumabit, wala nang space! MASIKIP na! MABIBIGATAN na sya pag dumagdag ka pa..

ANG PLASTIK MO!! Hindi ako kasing bobo mo para di makaramdam.. Sana kasi nag'isip ka ng mas intelligent na hakbang.. Kaso wala ka nga palang utak, puro taba..

Buti pa 'ko hindi plastik, sadyang hindi lang talaga ako mapag'patol sa mga 'di ko ka'level kaya di na 'ko nagda'drop ng names.. Kasi kawawa ka lang, alam ko panaman na fathetic ka! Hindi mali ang spelling ko, FATHETIC ka lang talaga!

[http://goasktuesday.blogspot.com]

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28/01/2011 01:33:54 PM

I guess the message says pretty much everything to even explain what this entry is about. Also, it shows what kind of enemy I can be. But it doesn't mean I can't be a good friend, it's just that I know how to get even. You mess up with me, I'll make you feel sorry.

Mathematics of Imbyernament Part 2

January 28, 2011
12:05PM

Just took my Mathematics of Investment exam. Man, it was a torture!

It is the only exam I planned to take today as I don't know anything from the other subjects I am enrolled in (blame the cheerleading practices). But to tell you the truth, it felt like I emptied every contents in my brain. I regret ever going inside that room where Math-Inv exams took place. I was sweating profusely just reading the instructions.

WTF? I can't figure out just what the hell the questionaire was saying. Panic stricken, I told my self to relax. Breathe in. Breathe out. I read the whole freakin' lot again then suddenly, my mind worked its way to solving the friggin problems. Taadaah! I managed to complete the rest of that suicide-attempt, badly disguised as my Math-Inv exam paper. I closed my "Green Book" (it's a pad where we write the answers to the questionaires in separate sheets of paper) as soon as I finished putting my last final answer in a box. I don't want to scan through! I know it'll just give me nightmares tonight. So I walked out the room and now I sit here at the benches along the main building corridor. Man, exams make me starve. I should've ate breakfast earlier. I plan to eat out for lunch but I'm still waiting for Frankie so I won't have to eat alone. But it's more likely she had lunch at home already. So I guess I'll just go home now and just spend the rest of the day with reviewers for companions.

I gotta go!

Happy 1 Month GAT!!!

January 27, 2011
03:32PM

1 month, 1039 reads! Yay!

This blog, Go Ask Tuesday, is celebrating it's first month in the world wide web! I'm so happy! I promise to give you guys more updates in the coming months — and yeah, years.

Thank you for reading!

I'm Stupid!

January 27, 2011
01:57AM

Hi there! I'm still awake! I can't bring my self to sleep, and to think I'm about to take some of my midterm exams later. Maybe it's my conscience that's keeping my hours slumberless. I read your blog's most recent entry and it made me feel really stupid. I shouldn't have told you what I said in our text conversation the other night, I can really be tremendously thoughtless sometimes. Especially when things are getting too shitty that it gets to my nerves.

Hey look, I know I got you hurt. I didn't realize you're gonna take it seriously. I never meant to run over people's feelings, I'm not that mean. My issue was personal, if you want to know the truth. It always gives me mood-swings whenever Ralph Jhonel starts to fail acknowledging my existence as if I'm in an invisibility cloak or something. Most of the times, I would just nag about it to my friends and/or my twin and/or any one else who gets in my way. It just so happened that you were the one who fell victim of that "crime" I always commit no matter how hard I try to refuse the need to. I always win over my self. And because I'm stupid, I went babbling too much without even thinking what the fuck I was saying.

That's just the way my semi-psychotic, wholly neurotic mind works whenever I'm feeling lunatic. I would go ranting endless, deranged ramblings as if I am some motor-mouth and nothing can ever make me come to a halt. Most of the times, I don't even really make sense at all. I'd just go blah-blah-blah and
yadah-yadah-yadah for as long as there are words my cognitive functions can process and produce (sounds — err, reads — like my mind is some food processor huh?).

What I'm trying to say is that, I didn't mean the things I said the other night. They are just like over-runs from the garments factory. No, they're really more like LV imitations! They may seem authentic but they still are not. Like the things I said; they may be harsh but in the end, it's still me who gets hurt.

You know how a boomerang works? You throw it in the air to hit an enemy but still it will fly back to you, and if you are not alert, you'll be the one who's gonna be fucked up. That is what happened when I said mean things about Ralph Jhonel. That night, I cried. I was always the one to encourage him to do what he lacks the push to do. And then, just because he ignores me, I managed to ridicule and demean him. I'm really stupid. I'm sorry. I'm really, really stupid. I apologize for those stupid things I said. I know I could never take them back but still, I'm sorry. And also, I'm sorry about this entry. I know it's a piece of crap, my mind is not working well because of lack of sleep and reviewing for exams. I just thought I ought to apologize. So I'm sorry.

I'm gonna sleep now. Good night.

it's me,
Tuesday

These Letters are Proof

January 26, 2011
10:10PM

Oh man, I feel so depressed. I just found these old letters I wrote to Ralph Jhonel in January 2009, they've been silently confined between the pages of my movie project planner for two freakin' years. I read them one by one, all 4 separate letters. They happen to have just a single topic. They remind me of how frustrated I was that Ralph Jhonel fucking hated me big time. Now I started feeling lethargic. It feels like history repeats itself; same things happen again in the present.

I never let Ralph Jhonel lay eyes on these letters, or did I ever even have the chance to make him read them? I don't know if the thoughts in these letters also apply to the current situation, but I decide to post them all here anyway.

THE FIRST LETTER:

OK. These are the most honest things I'm ever going to tell you. What I feel about what's happening to us haunts me every single day of the rest of my life. This friendship we have seems to be hanging by a thread; a thread that's been so fragile but we never seem to care. So we keep putting ourselves and our friendship in jeopardy. One last move and the thread that's patiently trying to hold us might already let go and break.

As for me, I'm desperately trying to make our friendship survive. My fingertips are holding on to the cracks in our foundation. I keep trying to make my self believe that this friendship with you will resurrect itself. But it gets tiring to hope upon hope. It gets frustrating to see no sign of you and me, patching up with things. It hurts to know that I'm the only one who tries to revive us with all my might. You know you can do your part, but seems you don't want to waste your time for that.

I admit, I did wrong. But I regret what I did and I've suffered so much already. I lost you now. I hate to say it but yes, I lost you now. And you make me feel like you have no plans on ever coming back to me. I want to scream, to plead for you to come back. But I know that I only deserve to be left behind because of what I did to you. But it kills me. I swear, I'm dying inside. I just can't go on without you.

But do I have a choice? You don't even care about me anymore. I deserve this. And I guess I just have to accept my fate. Oh damn this fate!

We are never going to be the same ever again. Someday, our paths will cross again and I'm not sure that you're going to recognize me or that you're going to give out even just a fake smile. One thing is for certain, that I'm going to cry. I know I'm going to remember how perfect our friendship started and how catastrophic it ended. I know I'm going to remember how wonderful a friend you were once upon a time.

I'm still holding on to this feeling I have for you inside. This is the only thing I want to keep. I love you. Keep in mind that everything I say here is my most honest of thoughts — especially those three words. I hope you know how strong this feeling I have for you. I mean it when I say that. There was never a time that I told you I love you and I never meant it. Loving you is the last thing on earth I'm ever going to regret.

A lot of things changed between the two of us. But more than anything else, you've changed. You are so much unlike the person I once knew; you don't care about me anymore. All of a sudden, I don't matter. But I won't ask for your attention, I know you'll never even give a damn. Let me tell you something. By the way, this is the most honest of all the things I have to say. In spite the fact that you'll never come back, I'll still be right here waiting.

THE SECOND LETTER:

Here I go again! Sleepless. Writing down yet another series of sad thoughts that keep sprouting out inside my over-used mind. There's this one question that I suddenly felt I have to ask to you. "Can't we work it out?".

But how in the world could I ask you that? Especially now that you are so damn insensitive to even notice how I'm being too desperate to get your seemingly precious attention. It's hard to have a question and I can't even bring my self to make a move and ask. And the thought that you wouldn't even give me a straight-forward answer makes me want to back-off even before coming up to you.

Yes, I'm not confident. My self-esteem is low since the time you made it obvious that I do not matter to you anymore. How are you going to listen to me when I ask if you won't even care about a single SMS I send? If you can't give a damn about a text message, what more to a conversation? I don't want to just come up to you and ask and pretend that nothing's happening to us. Because maybe you'd just turn your back to me and leave. Oh my God, I'm so not confident!

You can't blame me if I think this way. Because the last time I checked, you are ignoring me. I don't have a clue why you hate me that much. If it's because of how I treated you before when I said things about you which you said aren't true, then aren't my apologies enough? If there are other reasons, you won't even say.

Do I actually have to wave a white flag? Can't we just talk things through? The matter don't seem to be that big a deal that a simple conversation won't do the trick. Or at least, the matter I am aware of.

Why won't you tell me what is it that made you hate me so much? If I'm guilty, then I will let you do whatever you want; even totally ignoring me. I know you were accused once, but what if it's me who's being accused this time? How on earth will we know if you don't want to talk to me anyway?

Can't we work it out? If you come to think of it, it's just a simple question. But with the way you act nowadays, I think we just can't.

THE THIRD LETTER:

RALPH...

I don't know if it's just me, or you're really making me feel useless -- I hope it's just me. But what can I do? I can't help but to feel this way. You don't seem to appreciate the things I do when I thought what I do are such great help. You never fail to say "Thanks!", but it always sounds as if it's "Thanks, but no thanks!". Why can't you be just honest? It can be less painful, you know. You can tell it straight to my face that you don't need me at all.

I don't know what to think anymore. I'm so fucking confused. I'm honest here. You won't even give me a straight answer whenever I ask you things. I think I'm going crazy.

You fucking hate me. YOU FUCKING HATE ME!!! You so fucking do. You fucking hate all the fucking things I fucking do. You fucking hate the fucking Tuesday I fucking am. I'm just your life's biggest, fucking joke. And that's exactly why you fucking hate me.

I'm NEVER gonna be good enough for you, am I? This fucking Tuesday can never be good enough at anything else. I mean, why in the world did I even think that I can? I am just being a bitch trying to get involved at everything and making everyone's life so fucking miserable, including my own fucking, damned life.

Congratulations for finishing the movie. You should celebrate for a job-well-done. Celebrate it without me so you'll all have a wonderful time. I'll just stay here in my bed, waiting for yet another fuck-filled day. Oh great! I'm so used of it.

I dreamed of making this movie for years. Now I think I shouldn't have. This fucking movie only gave me nightmares and depressions to the extremes.

Why do you fucking hate me???

Where the hell did I go wrong???

What the hell is up with PRETENDING you're my FRIEND???

I promise, I'm dying without you!!!

This is the only thing I know, crying my heart out when no one even cares. Crying these fucking tears for someone who won't even give a damn. These fucking songs make me sick. These songs I can't stand listening to but I still fucking do.

Fuck you, TUESDAY!!!

You are worthless in its truest sense. You are just an ambitious creature, just in case you don't know.

You are so fucking dead!!!

RALPH...

There's no sense pretending now. I had enough. Everything's just a show. From that fucking night of July 5th to this fucking night. Everything that's happened since the last six fucking months are all just pretending. They're all fucked up.
I hate my self.

I so hate my self....

I fucking hate me...

I'm going to sleep now...

See you...

right here waiting,
Tuesday

THE FOURTH LETTER:

I SURRENDER. I just can't take it anymore. I'm starting to miss you so bad. And if the distance between us grows any wider, I'm not sure if I can still survive. We started giving each other hard times and all of a sudden, life itself became complicated — as if life doesn't already suck enough! My life changed a lot since we started fighting. And I don't want fighting to ruin our friendship. So here I am now, raising a white flag. Yes, I am giving up! I can't stand it being mean to you, so you win.

It doesn't really matter who's to blame here. Is it me, or is it you? Nah! That's not important. I'll just take the blame so we can both get through with this nonsense. I don't care about my issues anymore, 'cause all I can really care about is you alone. I won't ask for anything else. I don't plan on forcing my issues just to get straight and forward answers to my questions. Because, I'm certain, you won't say anything at all. Just like you always do.

OK. I'll try to make things straight. I want things between us to be stable. So I guess I'm calling for reconciliation. If you think we need it here and now.

Now, these letters are proof. The friendship between me and Ralph Jhonel was never picture-perfect. But these letters are from the previous chapters of our lives. We already turned the pages and it's now another story. I've matured enough since the last 2 years and I know I'm not telling things to Ralph Jhonel any more like those in the letters. I love him, and I don't want to get him hurt by those kinds of things. I'm sure I don't really have to think about doing it, because I know he's still there. Things may have changed but I know I still have a friend in him. And yes, he's still the same love of my life — and I'm still right here waiting. Even if it takes forever, I'll wait.

ABE Cheer Teams

January 26, 2011
03:59PM

ABE Cainta (Jaguars)

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ABE Taft

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ABE Malolos

I Suppose He Knows the Word that Spells R.E.S.P.O.N.S.I.B.I.L.I.T.Y.

January 25, 2011
11:06PM

Responsibility is really such a big word. We don't want to ignore responsibilities, do we? I don't see why people sometimes neglect the things they are supposed to do. I don't know why I peeve people who are irresponsible. I'm not saying that I always do what I was in charge of doing, but at least I try to always comply to it. A perfect example would be the cheerdance which I was assigned to do, I didn't really want to pursue it but I had to; I am my team's Cheer Captain. No choice!

I just had this text conversation with Nics Guevarra where we talked about Ralph Jhonel as the Editor-In-Chief of the newsletter/magazine of UST's ROTC unit called Muy Leal. I am a huge fan of it, and I actually am looking forward to having a copy of the next issue. But it is nowhere near being released yet, some articles are not yet finished. Imagine, they've planned about it two months ago. You read it right man, two months. I could've written a novel in that span of time! I mean, I managed to write a storyline and then the movie script afterwards just overnight. And to think I'm not really a writer. An article which won't even occupy a single page can't take two months to be written. That is why I started questioning Ralph Jhonel's being the EIC.

Nics Guevarra explained, but I wasn't really paying attention. I was pissed by the thought of Ralph Jhonel failing to do his task. This is a very old issue I argued about with him; responsibility. The memories of the events 2 years ago flashed back to my mind. It was the time Ralph Jhonel and I were still doing a movie project. He became so irresponsible and I was really angry. But instead of telling it straight to his face, I wrote it down in a letter. I kept that letter after he read it. And tonight, I suddenly want to blog it here. Here's what I wrote:

January 09, 2009

RALPH...

I'm really, totally disappointed about last night. Can you guys be a little responsible? My God!

Project 'to, just in case you forgot. And I want you to do this because I want you guys to recieve a high grade in this. Gusto ko sanang maging responsible kayo. I mean, every efforts won't be useless anyway. Alam kong nakakapagod 'tong project na 'to, pero alam ko din na kaya n'yo 'tong gawin. Malaki ang tiwala ko sa inyo. Totoong mahirap, kaya nga ginagawa ko na'ng lahat just to make things a lot easier for all of you. 'Di ba promise ko 'yon?

Sobrang nasaktan ako kagabi. Honestly, umiiyak ako habang sinusulat ko 'to. Feeling ko kasi binabalewala n'yo lahat ng efforts ko — lalo ka na. Dahil sa'yo kaya ko ginagawa lahat-lahat, kasi humingi ka sa'kin ng tulong. Pero nung 'di n'yo sinunod 'yung sched, parang nabalewala na 'yung mga magdamag na 'di ko tinulugan para sa pagpaplano. Pakiramdam ko tuloy ako lang ang may gustong gawin 'to. Parang tanga lang ako tuloy, nagkapaltos lang ako sa kamay tapos napuyat kakasulat ng kung ano-ano. Tas kahit may paltos, sulat parin. Pumutok pa't lahat. 'Yun pala balewala lang 'yung efforts.

Ralph, alam ko wala ako sa lugar para magsalita sa inyo ng ganito dahil wala naman nagsabi or pumilit sa'kin na gawin 'to. Ang gusto ko lang, maging responsible ka. When you're supposed to do something, see to it that you'll do it. 'Di lang naman para sa project 'tong sinasabi ko eh, magagamit mo 'to in the future. Kung ano 'yung kaya mong gawin, gawin mo. 'Pag 'di mo na kaya, may matatakbuhan ka naman.

Pasensya na kung naging "epal" ako sa project na 'to. I just want to help. Naisip ko kasi, 'pag nagawa ng maayos 'to, it will help a lot in improving more on your grades. Alam ko masyado akong pakielamera sa buhay mo, na pati studies mo gusto ko epalan. Sana hayaan mo nalang ako, kasi masaya ako 'pag ginagawa ko 'yun eh. Meron kasi akong dreams para sa'yo. Sana 'di ako nakakagulo sa'yo. Kung nakakagulo na 'ko, sabihin mo lang.

Ralph, gusto ko matuto ka sana na maging responsible. Siguro mali din ako na inako ko lahat instead na ikaw ang gumawa. Sorry. Siguro nasaktan ka na pinalitan ko 'yung script. Kaya siguro binabalewala n'yo 'yung tulong ko para iparamdam sa'kin kun ano naramdaman n'yo nung nakialam ako sa project, at kunj ano naramdaman mo nung nabalewala 'yung script mo. Sorry talaga. Sobrang sorry talaga.

-Tuesday

I guess I just felt a little hurt, knowing that Ralph Jhonel never really took that advice. But I know he has reasons, he always has. I really feel stupid for bad-mouthing about him to his writer, Nics Guevarra. I don't know, but whenever I miss Ralph Jhonel and he won't notice that, I get furious hearing things about him. Even hearing his name alone. Now I really feel bad for ever saying bullshit about him as an EIC. But it doesn't mean I don't believe in what he can do! I'm happy for him for being a writer. I admire him for being the EIC. The truth of the matter is that I'm proud of Ralph Jhonel — in all he does, I always am.

Kasumpa-sumpa ang Lunes na 'To!

January 24, 2011
07:33AM

The title of this entry are the exact words of this hottie basketball varsitarian sitting opposite me here at the benches along the corridor of our college's main building. Frankly speaking, I think of the same thing too!

Dig this, I forced my self to get out of bed at 4:30am, fought the urge to back-out from taking a bath (it was cold, okay), hurried my self in doing my hair and make-up, tried hard not to trip from these 4-inch heels as I walk to the jeepney stop and practiced the best Cheer Captain smile because I want to brag our victory at the recently held Inter-ABE cheerdance competition. Guess what, NO CLASSES TODAY! (There's this NSTP Literacy Training Program for the freshmen). Gah! Just when I plan on focusing all my attention to studying, these lazying things have to happen. What if they take away my drive to finally prioritize my studies? And besides, it's midterm exams week! I should be catching up with all the lessons I missed so that I won't flunk my exams.

Now I decided to just go home. I mean, there's nothing for me to do here. I guess I'll just do the laundry at home. Or better yet, sleep the whole fuckin' day.

"Hindi ka nagbabasa ng script!"

January 23, 2011
11:00PM

Life is like a movie; if you've sat through more than half of it and it sucked every second so far, it probably isn't gonna get great right at the end and make it all worthwhile. No one should blame you for walking out early.

Christopher, Avighaille, my twin Frankie and Anne are few of my closest friends in my college. But we only got closer recently because we see an awful lot of each other almost everyday at cheerleading practices. We have never been this close. We would always do silly things whenever we're all together, to the point that our cheermates would go paranoid; predicting something terrible to happen. The whole cheer team may even be thinking that the five of us are the black sheeps.

But hey, we can be emotional too! Sure we always are notorious for being pasaway, but what people don't know is that we actually talk about serious stuff most of the time. We talk about school, studies, friendship, life and most of all love.

We have this habit to do things according to plans. And even the things we say should be rehearsed. It's as if we follow some scripts. That is how our expression "hindi ka nagbabasa ng script" suddenly became our most popular line whenever one of us is to blame for something. Most of the times, our cheermates would just stare at us in total confusion when the five of us talks about "the script" and other movie stuff, as if we are speaking in alien languages. It's exciting, if you want to know the truth. We talk and it's only the five of us really understand. It became our secret code, more like a spoken heiroglyphics or morse code which only the five of us can ever encrypt.

This is one conversation I had with Christopher last night. It may read a little funny but, mind you, we were dealing with something really really serious.


We are aware that we really get confusing for those who don't know us but we couldn't care much. What's important for us is that we understand each one of us though we make things a little puzzling. I guess that's the whole point of friendship; there's no need for explanations, friends just understand!

We Are Not the Same Any More, Sometimes I Forget to Remind My Self That!

January 21, 2011
09:21PM

Actually, I've been very busy with being a Cheer Captain to even check on Ralph Jhonel's Facebook wall every-so-often like I used to. I missed him big time, especially that he seldom update his account nowadays. He must be very busy as this week's their prelim exams.

I posted something on his wall earlier without any hope for his reply, but he commented. I asked him about his exams and he told me he did pretty well. He seems so confident about it, I wasn't surprised at all. I know he'll do great. I actually envy him for that. LOL. Next week's our midterm exams and I am negative about it. I don't know a damn thing about our lessons as I've been very busy with the cheer team. I'm not sure I'm gonna flunk every single exam. I'm planning to self-study but I don't have lecture notes to study with. I can't even think of someone I can borrow notes from because I don't have friends in my class. Man, I am going to be so dead! But I'll make ways to get over with these friggin' examinations without flunking. Oh Lord, please help me!

Anyway, I'm looking forward to having a copy of the next MuyLeal issue. I still can't convince Ralph Jhonel to give me one again, but I know he'll eventually give in. He gave me a copy of their previous issue last November only because I bugged him for that, so that's what I'm gonna do again. Haha! I don't know why he seems not confident about their magazine. If I was an editor-in-chief, I'd be very proud. If I were in Ralph Jhonel's shoes, I'd probably let my awful lots of friends to lay eyes on my works.

I remember I once asked Ralph Jhonel if he's going to pursue writing, he isn't sure. I honestly think he should. He's pretty good with it. Sure he needs more improvements, there are lots of room for that. He's going to be great! But ofcourse it's up to him. Who am I to decide for him, right?

I miss him. That is actually all I want to say when I decided to write this entry. I can't bring my self to say it to him. I don't know, but whenever I want to say something to Ralph Jhonel, I have to think it hard whether I should say it or not. And then I'd just end up not saying a thing at all. Instead, I would just write them all in this blog and it somehow satisfies me. Maybe because I know he don't read this blog and still I manage to word out my thoughts. Maybe one day he's going to read all these entries about him, at least not anytime soon. Maybe even when these thoughts are already forgotten, when we'd only laugh when we look back at them. I'm not my self any more, I'm not confident to tell him things straight. It's this idea that we don't have the same friendship as before that's giving me this low self-esteem. I really miss our friendship. But more than anything, I miss the old Ralph Jhonel.

I can't remember the last time I told him I love him. It's weird! I used to tell him those three words every-so-often that I feel the need to. It's not that I don't feel like it anymore, I still love him just the same. Maybe even deeper and greater. But the thought that he would just ignore those words breaks my spirit and I'll just stop my self from expressing it. I guess I'm just so sick of being hurt for he always pretends not recieving such affection from me. Not that I'm demanding it, but he could at the very least acknowledge it. But then again, who am I to decide for him, right?

I'm not gonna see Ralph Jhonel anytime soon. Summer break it still too far ahead. And I'm not even sure if he's gonna spend it here in Bulacan. And if he's going to, it still up to him whether he's gonna show himself up or not. I'm not gonna argue about it to him, it's not his obligation to meet up with me everytime he's in Bulacan. Sure it hurts, but who am I to complain? We are not the same any more, sometimes I forget to remind my self that. He's found himself lots of new friends in UST, I'm really happy for him. I know it made no difference that I am out of the way now. It sucks, but I have to accept that notion. I understand, I honestly do. That is why I never questioned when he never told me he was here in Bulacan last Christmas break. I cried for days, thinking that he could at least said he was here but never really planned on showing up. It could've been less painful. But I just understood. At least the fact that he was near made me feel better. Only that seeing him again will make me really happy. But who am I to decide for him, right?

Didn't I say that the only thing I wanna tell in this entry is that I miss Ralph Jhonel? I haven't noticed I've been saying so much. LOL. I guess I should end this now. He's not gonna read this anyway, so there's really no sense typing too much. Tonight, I bet the farm, I'm going to cry my self to sleep. Because I really miss Ralph Jhonel and I feel frustrated for I can't tell him that I do. I hope to have the courage tomorrow to finally tell him all these things. But I doubt it! So maybe I should just go to sleep now. Thanks for reading. Goodnight.

A Huge Wave of BITCHES is Approaching

January 21, 2011
11:27AM

My Goddess! I never run out of Facebook friend requests from girls of other ABE campuses since the Inter-ABE Sports Fest last Wednesday. Oh these girls! They seem to me that they're unable to get over my Ultimate Crush # 10, Nikko Natividad.

The girls in the audience really went wild during our cheerdance performance, they were drooling over Nikko in the most animated ways. You might think it's too exaggerated, but they really went crazy as if Nikko was some kind of a K-Pop artist or something. Man, those girls are manic.

We were all surprised that people reacted that way about Nikko, he was never treated that way in Malolos or anywhere else in Bulacan — let alone in our campus. Nikko is the most humble guy I've ever known, it seems to me that he isn't even aware he's handsome. He's down to earth, he gets along with any kind of people, as long as he is treated well. That experience at Amoranto Sports Complex must be very traumatic to Nikko; girls called his name everywhere he went, endlessly asked him for his mobile number and bugged him for the sake of photos with him. In our service vehicle, he told us how pissed off he really was. He told us he felt harrassed that girls tugged him, hugged him, touched him and one even forced a kiss on his lips. That is why he just hid himself in our service vehicle the whole freakin' day and did not show himself up as much as possible.

Those girls now start to be pains in the ass. I don't know how in the world did they find me on Facebook, I never gave anyone my email address or at least my name. So they started adding me up and sending me endless messages, everyone of them asks for Nikko's mobile number and Facebook account. Some even asks stupid questions like what shampoo does Nikko use and did I ever kiss Nikko. What the fuck?! Others even asks naughty things. I don't entertain questions and I won't give away Nikko's mobile number, full name and email address. I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH NIKKO NATIVIDAD! For heaven's sake! Why ask me?

OK. I may have promised some of those girls that I'll ask Nikko for permission to give away his contact details, but I just said that so they'll stop bugging me about it. Nikko must be sick of those kinds of girls, he even have his Facebook account setting in private already and removed his profile picture. I have this feeling he's even changing his number any moment now. Because a huge wave of bitches is approaching.

Watch out Nikko, there are bitches on your lawn!

EXYRA: only the other one snores.

INSTRUCTIONS:

1 - Go to wikipedia and hit random. The first random wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.

2 - Go to quotationspage.com and hit random. The last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.

3 - Go to flickr and click on “explore the last seven days”. Third picture no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4 - Use photoshop or similar (picnik.com is a free online photo editor) to put it all together.

5 - Post it with this text in the "caption" and TAG the friends you want to join in.


MY RESULTS:

Band Name: Exyra
Album Title: Only the Other One Snores

Inter-ABE Sports Fest

January 20, 2011
12:18PM

I had around 30 text messages and about a dozen missed calls. Frankie and I woke up late yesterday and we had to fix ourselves in a flash. Imagine, call-time was 4:30am and we woke up a quarter before 6:00am. It was the best pasaway thing we've ever done to the ABE Cheer Team.

I called Abdul while Frankie and I were on our way to the rendezvous, we had to go with them (the athletes) because the cheer team's service vehicle already left. Maybe it was fate, Ultimate Crush # 10 was in the athlete's service vehicle too (he's the table tennis varsity). It was kinda boring during the whole trip, most of the ABEnistas with us were sleeping and it was so quiet. Good thing the trip did not last forever, we reached the Amoranto Sports Complex immidiately.

So the cheer team changed to our uniforms and did our hair and make-up and prepared ourselves for the competition. And then, a company-call. Kuya Arjay gave us his last few pointers and little adjustments and then we were good to go.

Frankie & Me

Company call!!

Kuya Arjay gave his last few bits of pointers.

Waiting for our turn.

Frankie at the service vehicle.

Hindi pa nag-huhulas ang make-up ko. Haha!

We were last to perform. During the performances of the first 11 cheer teams, we waited there relaxed. And then it was our turn.

I enjoyed the whole bit our performance. Sure I got really exhausted but it was worth it. After the performance, it was time to relax. We decided to eat out so we went to McDonald's and there we had lots of kulitan.

Sino hinihintay mo d'yan? Si Prinsipe?

The Super Twins!

Saan ba talaga titingin??

Sana nakita ako!!!

Ito pa'ng isa!!! Aaargh!!

The Cheer Captain.

WARNING: The following images are not suitable for children and the virgins!

FROM FRIENDS' CAMERAS:






















We left QC and head back to Bulacan at around 7o'clock in the evening but the day wasn't over yet. We went to Ultimate Crush # 9, Ramil Bustarde's place and we drank 'til 3:00am. We talked about lots of things, hilarious and serious. And it was a history. There were lots of revelations that I honestly think will make a big difference in Below Zero. We were all very honest of our true feelings and things became clearer than ever. I guess that's the best part of last day.

OK Team, Let's Go!

January 17, 2011
06:20PM

Dear ABE Malolos Cheer Team,

The competition's on Wednesday, imagine that! It feels like we've been practicing for years and now we're finally here, we're competing at last!

Our squad is a dream-team, or at least it is for me. I've been going to ABE in the last 2 years and the first time I set foot at our college, I started looking forward to being in the team. Who would've thought I'm going to make it without even lifting a finger? Who would've thought I'm even gonna be one of the cheer-captains? I was really overwhelmed when I became Below Zero's official choreographer during the start of the semester. And when I became one of ABE's Cheer Captains, the feeling multiplied to a double. Man, I'm finally doing what I've been dreaming to do.

I know I've never been the ideal cheer-captain, some might even be calling me a bitch. I apologize for being rude and tactless and thoughtless and mean. I apologize for insulting some of you most of the times. Hey, I'm just being me. Love me or hate me, I won't give a fuck. Just keep in mind, I know what I'm doing. I may be becoming a bitch all the time, but I only do it because I want you guys to improve. That's called being "brutally honest". If I think you need improvements, I'll tell you you're a pain in the ass so you'll be motivated to prove me wrong. The more I say mean things about you, the more you might prove I'm wrong. Too bad most of you don't see it. Instead, you think I was just born a reincarnation of Hitler. And you started hating me and if you want to know the truth, I'm hurt.

The time Kuya Arjay compared his way of being a choreographer to mine, I was like "WTF?". I started to realize you never really liked me as a captain. But that's okay, I understand.

I don't know if we're all still gonna be friends after this. I wan't you to know that ABE Cheer Team is the best part of this semester for me. I met new friends and I've learned lessons from this experience. The exhaustion is just a teeny bit of its downside, what really matters is that we're all in this together; competing as one, showing our team spirit and treating each and everyone as friends more than as team mates.

To Kuya Arjay, thank you for being so patient and understanding.

To Bebe JR, sorry for we always give you hard times — and yeah, "sakit ng ulo".

To Frankie, thanks for doing this with me. You know this is our dream.

To Tophe, Anne and Avi, thanks for the laugh-trips. We've never been this close.

To Nikko, thanks for being an inspiration. I love you for that.

To my Below Zero family, thanks for believing in what I can do.

To the ones I hurt, sorry for being a bitch. Bitches go to hell, so I guess I'll see y'all there! Haha.

And to the professors, classmates, friends, families and the ones who helped us with this, thank you. We will do our best to bring home the bacon!

OK team, let's go! We're finally doing this after weeks and weeks of nightmares. We can do this, God is good all the time. Let's pray hard and trust in Him for our victory.

it's me,
Tuesday

I'd Be Glad to Die With You

January 17, 2011

04:28PM

via Friend Quizzes application on Facebook.