I'm Stupid!

January 27, 2011


Hi there! I'm still awake! I can't bring my self to sleep, and to think I'm about to take some of my midterm exams later. Maybe it's my conscience that's keeping my hours slumberless. I read your blog's most recent entry and it made me feel really stupid. I shouldn't have told you what I said in our text conversation the other night, I can really be tremendously thoughtless sometimes. Especially when things are getting too shitty that it gets to my nerves.

Hey look, I know I got you hurt. I didn't realize you're gonna take it seriously. I never meant to run over people's feelings, I'm not that mean. My issue was personal, if you want to know the truth. It always gives me mood-swings whenever Ralph Jhonel starts to fail acknowledging my existence as if I'm in an invisibility cloak or something. Most of the times, I would just nag about it to my friends and/or my twin and/or any one else who gets in my way. It just so happened that you were the one who fell victim of that "crime" I always commit no matter how hard I try to refuse the need to. I always win over my self. And because I'm stupid, I went babbling too much without even thinking what the fuck I was saying.

That's just the way my semi-psychotic, wholly neurotic mind works whenever I'm feeling lunatic. I would go ranting endless, deranged ramblings as if I am some motor-mouth and nothing can ever make me come to a halt. Most of the times, I don't even really make sense at all. I'd just go blah-blah-blah and
yadah-yadah-yadah for as long as there are words my cognitive functions can process and produce (sounds — err, reads — like my mind is some food processor huh?).

What I'm trying to say is that, I didn't mean the things I said the other night. They are just like over-runs from the garments factory. No, they're really more like LV imitations! They may seem authentic but they still are not. Like the things I said; they may be harsh but in the end, it's still me who gets hurt.

You know how a boomerang works? You throw it in the air to hit an enemy but still it will fly back to you, and if you are not alert, you'll be the one who's gonna be fucked up. That is what happened when I said mean things about Ralph Jhonel. That night, I cried. I was always the one to encourage him to do what he lacks the push to do. And then, just because he ignores me, I managed to ridicule and demean him. I'm really stupid. I'm sorry. I'm really, really stupid. I apologize for those stupid things I said. I know I could never take them back but still, I'm sorry. And also, I'm sorry about this entry. I know it's a piece of crap, my mind is not working well because of lack of sleep and reviewing for exams. I just thought I ought to apologize. So I'm sorry.

I'm gonna sleep now. Good night.

it's me,

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